What To Do When A Hurricane Ruins Your Plans

A couple weeks ago – Saturday, October 3rd to be exact – we were supposed to be galavanting through a corn maze shaped like Taylor Swift’s face.

No, really.

We found this link on Facebook and thought it was too good to be true. We did our research and realized Summers Farm was only 4 hours away in middle-of-nowhere-Maryland. We bought our tickets, planned our picnic menu, confirmed our sleepover the night before so we could get up and leave early, and anxiously awaited the magical morning of Saturday, October 3rd. Dreams of corn mazes, pumpkin picking, and fall picnics danced in our heads.

Cue Joaquin.

For the longest time the rain was forecasted to hold off until a few days after our trip. Then, midway through the week, we started to get nervous. It had been raining all week and the worst of the rain was creeping closer and closer to Saturday, October 3rd. The three of us were checking the weather every 30 minutes. We were quickly becoming expert meteorologists and were tracking the Joaquin’s path all the way from here to middle-of-nowhere-Maryland.

Finally, on that Thursday night before our trip, we made the call to cancel. The rain was 100% imminent no matter how often we checked.

Hurricane party. Obviously that was the only answer to our depression and devastation.

We quickly regrouped and decided a cozy sleepover party with as blankets as we owned, pjs and onesies, movies, coloring books, and pumpkin painting was the perfect cure. Naturally, we documented the whole event just to share with you.

So without further ado, here is what to do when a hurricane ruins your plans:

Watch Movies

When we laid out all of our movie options to vote, the vote ended sooner than it began once we heard that Chelsea had never seen Peter Pan with Jeremy Sumpter. WE DO BELIEVE IN FAIRIES. WE DO. WE DO.

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The next day, our movie picking ability was greatly lacking. We decided on the Mary-Kate & Ashley classic, Holiday In The Sun. Our brains turned to mush as we sat there and watched. It’s kind of like a car crash: It’s awful and sad and traumatic, but you just cannot turn away no matter how badly you don’t want to see it. And even after all of that, we still love Mary-Kate & Ashley.

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Shopping

Of course the rain was nonexistent when we woke up on Saturday morning… Thanks Joaquin. We decided to venture out for coffee and Target. Then, of course, just as we were pulling on our shoes, the rain made it’s grand entrance. We pulled on boots and raincoats and ran to the car. We were on the road for all of 10 minutes before the rain stopped and did not reappear the whole day… There’s no better way to cope with confusion and heartbreak than Target and a cup of coffee.

Some work clothes, candles, a jacket, and a coloring book later we were all shopped out and ready to head back to the house for our “rainy” afternoon activities.

Pumpkin Painting

Arts and crafts for the three of us is always a memory. We spread the tarp on the floor, arranged everything for a “before” photo, and then spent hours painting our little pumpkins (and eating plantain chips…). 

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Needless to say, our personalities shine very brightly when we attempt art projects…

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Color In A Coloring Book

Coloring books are the most therapeutic little things. Luckily for us, adult coloring books are the new thing, so these weren’t hard to find. We’ll leave it up to you to guess who’s coloring book is who’s…

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So there you have it. Joaquin might have tried to get the best of us, but we showed him who’s boss. Saturday, October 3rd was still one for the books.

-A, C, & K

Wait For It…

I know that all my posts come sporadically and are long-winded (I’m sorry, I just have lots to say). Sometimes I just have to write everything out to help it make sense to me. This post is no different. Eventually I’ll get back to writing shorter, lighter posts. But until then, here’s a look into Kylie from the last few months:

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I absolutely hate the inability to explain how I’m feeling.

We all know I love words. A lot. (Good thing that’s the whole point of a blog.) For the last couple of months I was driving myself crazy because I felt so strange but could not pinpoint what it was I was feeling. Finally, out of pure frustration, the word “restless” came out of my mouth. THAT was it. Restless. When a friend asked why I felt that way I responded with, “Because I feel stuck.” Stuck and restless. Sick of waiting. That’s not a fun way to feel for months.

Naturally, I looked up the definitions of these words (everyone does that, right?) to help me figure out what was going on with me.

The ever-faithful dictionary.com defines restless as: characterized by or showing inability to remain at rest; unquiet or uneasy, as a person, the mind, or the heart; never at rest; perpetually agitated or in motion; without rest; without restful sleep; unceasingly active; averse to quiet or inaction.

Stuck: to remain attached; to hold, cleave, or cling; to remain persistently or permanently; to remain firm, as in resolution, opinion, statement, or attachment; hold faithfully, as to a promise or bargain; to keep or remain steadily or unremittingly, as to a task, undertaking, or the like; to become fastened, hindered, checked, or stationary by some obstruction.

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Before we continue – How typical that I would feel held back and stationary (stuck) while feeling uneasy and unable to remain still (restless) at the same time. Talk about a perfectly ridiculous contradiction…

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I was so sick of waiting. I had so many things going for me and some new opportunities, but I could not shake the feeling of being so far away from all the things that were burning on my heart. Don’t get me wrong, I was incredibly thankful and grateful. I was making myself sick because I was wrestling with myself constantly. I knew on the outside I had no reason to feel this way, but telling myself to get over it wasn’t working. Bystanders would have laughed at me if I told them how I was really feeling on the inside. It made no sense, but I still felt stuck and restless.

Then – you guessed it – I looked up another definition.

Wait: to remain inactive or in a state of repose, as until something expected happens; to be available or in readiness; to postpone or delay in expectation; to look forward to eagerly; to continue as one is in expectation of; await; be reserved for.

I realized that feeling this way meant that I was expecting something more.

If you know me, you know this is a big deal. Dreaming big used to be really hard for me because I wouldn’t let myself go there. I’m analytical and way too realistic to let myself get carried away. My mom used to ask me what I would do if I could do anything and couldn’t fail. Even then I would have no answer because I would start to think of all the reasons why something couldn’t happen before my dreams even got off the ground. “That’s impossible” was the most predominant thought in my mind for way too long.

Being annoyed with myself for feeling restless and stuck was what it took for me to realize that at some point I had finally let myself expect and look forward to something.

Huge breakthrough. I know, who am I?!

Somewhere along the line, and only in the last few months, I started to learn how to dream again. All of a sudden, feeling restless and stuck and being sick of waiting wasn’t so bad.

Recently, I heard Mark Edwards say, “Delay is never God’s denial.”

Holy crap. I love it when God speaks right to you exactly where you’re at. Just because I’m not yet where I want to be does not mean that God has forgotten about me or said no to me and my dreams. This delay is not denial.

Delay is hard. It causes restlessness like nothing else can. But there’s a verse that I can’t get out of my head. Ephesians 6:13-14 says that once we have put on the full armor of God and done everything we can to stand our ground, we need to stay standing firm. Having done all to stand, stand some more.

Back to the definitions:

  • Stuck: to remain persistently or permanently; to remain firm; hold faithfully.
  • Wait: to look forward to eagerly; to continue as one is in expectation of; await.

Suddenly, being stuck doesn’t sound like a bad thing. And waiting is exciting instead of stagnant and unpromising. I’m remaining faithful and I’m eagerly looking forward to what’s next. I’m standing, and when I’m tired of standing – I’m standing some more.

So, wait for it…

Cheers to 10 Years!

This week marks 10 years since the Chalfant family arrived in Virginia Beach. We showed up knowing we were called to Wave Church and not knowing much else…

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These 10 years have been filled with more growth, patience, frustration, grace, and provision than I ever thought possible. There’s no way I should be where I am now and be doing what I get to do. If there’s one thing that’s been drilled into me more than anything else throughout these 10 years, it’s that His grace really is sufficient.

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When we got to VB, I was scared to death to start at a new school, I was learning to love Jesus for me and not just because of my parents, and I had no idea who I was, what I wanted to do, or who I wanted to be. I was about to turn 13 and I had been crippled by fear since I was really little.

Now here I am, about to turn 23 and it can only be by God’s grace that I’m here and so in love with Jesus. His plans for me are still unfolding, but now it’s exciting instead of terrifying. Overcoming fear was no easy task, but it’s a victory I’m really proud of. That’s not to say I don’t still get scared or worried, but the timid Kylie who shrank back and hid from everything and everyone is gone for good.

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The best part of these 10 years, hands down, is my family. My parents and sisters are the strongest, most faithful, most loyal, most hilarious people I know. Watching my family stick it out when friends and jobs and plans were not going the way they wanted is the best example I could have ever had.

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Ad and Belle, thank you for putting up with me when I was mean. Thank you for being funny all the time and keeping all of us laughing. Thank you for believing in me and supporting me. Thank you for being my best friends at the end of the day. Thank you for teaching me and being an example for me to look up to. Thank you for being honest. Thank you for not giving up on me.

Mom and Dad, thank you for showing me what faithfulness looks like. Thank you for being my parents before trying to be my friends. Thank you for always pushing me to be better. Thank you for making these 10 years a really fun adventure. Thank you for loving each other and for loving us. Thank you for loving Jesus and His church. Thank you for being yourselves in every single season.

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10 years down and we’re only getting started.

– K

Mission Impossible

Guys, I’m a real grown up now.
It’s the weirdest thing and it’s still freaking me out.

Don’t get me wrong, it feels incredible to say goodbye to homework and paper writing, and it’s great to go home after work and have the time to do whatever I want and not feel guilty. But truly, I’m kinda freaking out a lot. As a little girl I always dreamed about growing up and what my life would look like. In my head I would go to college, graduate knowing exactly what I wanted to do, find a perfect job, and, of course, I’d be married by the time I was 24 (duh?). That’s where the plan ended. I never dreamed much further past graduation. But I had a plan.

So much for a plan…

I graduated and I have a job. So now, here I am. Working 8-5 Monday to Friday. Being a grown up. (Maybe?)

But now what?

I guess the comforting part of the plan that Little Kylie made was the feeling of arrival that was sure to come with finishing college. That’s when people become adults, so then everything is fine and dandy and life is always rainbows and butterflies.

I didn’t realize how much I was banking on that feeling until this last month. I went to a doctor appointment and, as the receptionist was updating my information, she asked me, “Are you still a full time student?” I froze. I said no and went on with life, but inside I still haven’t stopped freaking out. Without even knowing it, defining myself as a student was my way of staying a kid and feeling safe.

After graduating, the last thing I feel is that I have arrived. I feel pretty far away from “safe.” I have a big-girl job and a degree and I’m still scared of the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Have you ever thought about that question itself? Maybe I’m the only weirdo who analyzes these cliche questions and things, but I’ve always found it interesting that we are asked what we want to be instead of what we want to do when we grow up. Whoever phrased that question was a genius. That person understood that what or who we are is so much more important than what we do. Who we are actually influences what we do and the decisions we make.

All that to say, this has become my focus over the last month.
Who am I? What do I want to be?

I won’t work in this job forever, but I am stuck with me forever. So what do I want to be when I grow up? What am I doing now and what steps am I making to become that person? I find it ironic that I just spent years and years in school learning and building and moving up this ladder of education, and now, at the end of it all, I’m realizing it’s still all about the basics.

We never graduate from doing the simple and the basic things well.

The more I bring it back down to ground level and focus on the small things, the more safety and comfort I have. I’m continually learning that it’s not about this ladder of success or these milestones society sets, but it’s actually about your character and the person you are throughout these milestones. If you aren’t growing and bettering yourself, then there’s really no point to any of it.

So, as much as I’m freaking out and learning how to move on from what was so comfortable for me, I’m more concerned with making sure I really do get to be what I want when I grow up. At the end of the day, God still knows and He’s still in control. He’s brought me this far and shaped me into who I am now, so He will continue to open the doors that need to be opened and close the ones that need to be closed. Trust is hard, but it always pays off.

Proverbs 16:9 says, “We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.”

I love plans. I’m basically an expert at making plans. But I am so glad for the times God throws my plans out the window and replaces them with His plans. All I have to do is stay obedient and keep walking in the direction He sets. This is easier said than done, but the feeling of safety and peace found here is so much greater than any safety or peace that was found in my plan.

I have no clue what comes next.
I still have dreams that make no sense as to how they fit into my future.
And I know for a fact that my plan-making days are far from over.
But, yielding my plans to His is the mission I’m so choosing to accept.

This message will self-destruct in 5 seconds…
(But probably not.)

– K

Another Year Wiser

1 year.
In one year I became a wife, a senior in college and FINALLY traveled out of the country. I grew up a lot this year. Being married makes you grow up in areas you didn’t even realize you needed growth in. But all that growth kind of made writing this blog super easy. I knew the things I wanted to touch on and I knew how to make them less personal than they actually are. This past year has brought many ups and a few very deep downs, but as we begin on this journey again I am thankful for each one of those ups and downs because they made me who I am today. So without further ado, here are the top 3 things I learned this year. I’m hoping that maybe one of you went through/is going through something similar and reading this blog will help. Who knows. I’m going to imagine that’s what’s happening anyways.

Sometimes keeping your mouth shut is the best option

I am one of those people who has a comment for everything. Sometimes that is a good thing. People come to me for advice or just to talk through something. But sometimes it’s a bad thing. Sometimes people don’t want to hear what you have to say and sometimes what you have to say doesn’t need to be said. Learning to shut my mouth has been the hardest thing I have ever done. I always feel like what I have to say is SO important. But what I have learned, is that if what you have to say needs to be said, there will be a time for it to be said. That person will come to you and ask your opinion or advice on the situation and you will finally be able to speak. But if they don’t come to you then shut up. If it’s something that you really need to discuss then tell another close friend and talk it through with them. Sometimes you just need to get things off your chest.

Sometimes people are going to hurt your feelings; it’s up to you to get over it

People are just that, they’re people. They are going to do people-esq things. Such as hurt your feelings. The most important thing is learning how to move on and get over it. You’re not always going to get an “I’m sorry” and even if you do sometimes they will do the same exact thing again. So instead of relying on them to change, you have to grow up. Tell them that they hurt your feelings and that you’d like the situation to change. If it doesn’t change make it change. Start avoiding that situation with that person, change topics whenever you can, and realize that they don’t mean it. Now if they do mean it, it might be time to cut them from your life. Maybe that will make them change. Having your feelings hurt is heartbreaking and at times can be downright unfair. But just remember to focus on yourself during those times, not the person who is hurting you, and you’ll come out of the situation so much stronger. Just hold on to that, the heartache only lasts so long.

Compromise isn’t easy

For real though. Being married is amazing. It’s fun and wonderful and I keep finding things that make me fall in love with my husband each day. But at the same time it’s very hard. I like getting my way. I don’t mean in a “throws a temper tantrum and cries till she get’s what she wants” kind of way, but I do things a certain way and I like it that way. Well my husband does things differently than me, which makes sense since we are different people. Sometimes that makes things very hard. We both want things our way, but that is not possible. Compromise means you will fight. You will yell and you will think things suck. But the biggest way to make compromise really happen is communication. Talk about why you’re angry, even if it’s the dumbest reason alive. If that person really loves you they will tell you you’re being dumb, talk through it with you and then move on. The wise philosophers known as Maroon 5 once said, “It’s not always rainbows and butterflies, it’s compromise that moves us along.” As a newly married woman I can honestly say it is compromise that moves us along, without it we’d be stuck in the same arguments forever.

So yeah. I know I learned more things this year but these were the big 3. I hope you all learned something too.

– A

This is for you.

I don’t think you understand how hard it is to pick a title for a post.
These are some other options that were in the running:
“My friends are better than yours.”
“Here, read this.”
“Being the bigger person ain’t always easy.”
“#subtweet”
“New year, new me?”

But, I digress…

So, as you know, it’s been a whole year of Perfectly Ridiculous. Thinking back on the person I was when we started this kinda freaks me out. I’ve lived a lot of life in just a year. Maybe you want to know more about what I’ve learned – and, if you don’t, I’m gonna tell you anyways.

Lessons Learned in the last year:

1. Trust the process.

Sometimes doors close just as quickly as they opened. Opportunities can be just for a season. Maybe it’s so that you can see what you are capable of. Maybe it’s so that the people or the leaders around you can see what you are capable of. But whatever it is, trust the process.

This is easier said than done. I went through a season where all kinds of doors were opening, and not just any doors, but doors I had been praying for years would open. I was thriving and growing and beyond happy. Then, out of nowhere, these same doors started to close – not because I did anything wrong, but just because. It didn’t make sense, and parts of it still don’t. Only now can I see that, although I was thriving and enjoying it, things getting taken away only made more room for other things. These other things turned out to be cool opportunities that I was not expecting.

Closed doors don’t have to be a negative thing; in fact, closed doors eliminate options and make decisions a little easier to make. I’ve started to pray that God would close the wrong doors as much as He will open the right ones.

2. I am not a Plan B.

Anyone who keeps you at an arms length and only reaches out to you when they are bored is not worth it. It is not fair to be supportive of people and constantly for them, only to have them keep you around just so that you can encourage them or make them feel better about themselves.

You have to let people figure things out for themselves. I’m preaching this to myself more than anyone – you CANNOT please everyone. Cannot and will not. And you have to be okay with that.

I have learned a lot about people in the last year. At times, I learned things I didn’t want to learn. People hurt you, they leave you heart broken, they blame you, they laugh with you, they ignore you, they surprise you, they want the best for you. At the end of the day, you are only responsible for yourself. You can’t control the actions or reactions of anyone other than you. You can’t fight for people who won’t fight for themselves. Everyone is on a journey.

Hold on to the people who get you. I would much rather have just a handful of really good friends than have a bunch of friends who only talk to me when they’re bored or feel obligated to keep up communication with me. I am not a Plan B friend. No thanks.

3. Be good with you.

Just because someone calls you something or says you’re one way, it doesn’t mean you are that thing or are that way.

Personal example (it’s my post and I can do what I want): If someone calls you antisocial after hanging out with you once, it doesn’t mean you really are antisocial.

Remember, it’s about the movie – not the picture.
(Book, not the chapter? You can choose your favorite metaphor.)

Anyways, the point is that you have to be good with you so that the words of others don’t have power over you. Other people’s words can only hurt you if you let them.

You can’t live your life apologizing for being the way you are. You can grow and learn and own up to mistakes, but you should never have to apologize for being you.

I like musicals and Disney princesses and glitter – and so what?! That makes me ME. Over the last year, I found myself in relationships where I kept apologizing for being the way I am and liking the things I like. I got to a point where I would downplay key things and interests just to please people.

SO DUMB.

Let me tell you, life is way more fun when you sing songs from Frozen, obsess over Christmas, avoid certain (PG-13 rated) words, among other things. Those are not reasons to belittle someone, and certainly are not things I should apologize for.

1 Peter 5:6-7 says, “So be content with who you are, and don’t put on airs. God’s strong hand is on you; he’ll promote you at the right time.” Another translation says, “So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.”

So, there you have it. Three of the biggest things I’ve learned in the last year.

There are still dreams in my heart that I’m waiting for, and parts of my future I’m trying to figure out. It’s not always easy and right now, honestly, it’s all really scary. But, if I’ve learned anything over the last year, it’s that God is so faithful and He really does know best. In every situation. So here we go. Graduation is looming and grown up life awaits. Here’s to another year of lessons to learn, another year of life to live, and another year of hearing all about it on Perfectly Ridiculous.
I hope your seat belts are fastened…

– K

So it’s been awhile.

Nothing much and EVERYTHING has changed since my last post.

I’ve learned a whole heck of a lot in the past 6 months or so. Most of those life lessons I chose to learn the hard way (Classic Chez). Oh, that’s me by the way. My struggle with embarrassing nicknames is real, so I’m pretty excited about this new one. But I digress. Mostly on purpose, because to be honest, I’d rather not tell you about how I made mistakes and hurt people. I know you all think I’m perfect and wonderful and amazing and couldn’t possibly mess up, but unfortunately I can. And I do. More often than I’d like. I will, however, spare you the details and sob stories and just tell you the major things that I’ve learned as a result:

  • Don’t let a distraction become your focus.
  • Never assume you know how another person thinks OR feels.
  • Actions speak louder than words. WAY louder.
  • Real love gives grace and doesn’t guilt trip you.
  • Instagram fuels insecurities.
  • Best friends will tell you the truth even when it’s hurts.
  • Some risks aren’t worth taking.
  • Not everything is about you.
  • Don’t force close friendships on people. Let it happen at its own pace.
  • Being an adult means nothing if you don’t act like one.

So there they are. The important things I’ve learned lately. Sounds like I’ve had a horrible, miserable last few months, huh? Actually, nothing could be further from the truth. Although I had my fair share of not-so-fun-this-sucks-lesson-learned moments, I experienced some of the greatest and happiest moments this life has to offer. So here are a few more things I learned, or was reminded of, during our long hiatus:

  • Real friends will make sacrifices for your happiness.
  • NYC is absolutely gorgeous at Christmastime.
  • Work parties can be super fun.
  • Laughter is the best medicine.
  • Hours upon hours upon hours of rehearsing is worth it even if just one person’s life is changed.
  • Reaching personal goals is always worth the hard work needed to get there. (unless you have dumb personal goals, then you should reevaluate your life. Just sayin.)
  • Spending time with family is one of the greatest gifts.
  • Being a bridesmaid is a true honor.
  • I’m in Gryffindor.
  • John Mayer is not overrated.

Other than that, things are pretty much the same…

OH WAIT. I also got engaged.

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Now I’d be more than happy to give you another list of how wonderful my fiancé is, how magical the moment was when he asked me to marry him or how impressive the ring on my left hand is, but I’m pretty sure ya’ll don’t want to hear any of that mushy stuff. And if you do, just ask me in person. It’s much better in person anyway…there’s lots of jumping, fast talking, and incessant smiling involved.

So yeah, life has its ups and downs, but the important thing is to learn from the hard stuff and make sure you enjoy and savor every moment of the good.

Yep, well…uh…..that’s all I got. Ugh. I never know how to end these things.
Bye?

– C